Why I Hated Myself- Facing My Shadows

The last few months have been something.

That is a sentiment that I think we can all agree on. Something that happened for me personally with all this newfound (forced) free time was that I began taking a long hard look at myself. More time alone, a radical change in my day to day life, and a stressful medical scare brought issues I kept buried really deep inside to the surface. I knew it was time to take part in some Shadow Work.

When I first started approaching these delicate corners of my mind a familiar quote from Friends came to mind-

Today I want to share with you the first official Shadow Work activity I put together for myself that has helped me break down a major wall of my negative self-talk and self-doubt that I have been tolerating for so long. This was a 4-day process that I started on a Friday and ended on a Monday night and by the end felt very transformed and ready to dive deeper.

Day 1:

Now aside from journaling (which I so deeply recommend for any and everyone doing self-work on themselves), I took an evening to myself to write down 20 things I “hate” or deeply dislike about myself. Yes, I spent a lovely evening of writing down everything I do not like about myself. I thought I was going to have a really easy time tearing myself apart. But around item #12-14 I did find myself struggling a bit. Items on this list included things like repeatedly making the same mistakes, how much pressure I put on myself to constantly be the BEST at everything, and how negatively I still look and speak about my body on occasion (which is more often then I would like to admit).

Then after the list was complete I closed my journal and continued on with my evening routine.

Day 2-4:

The next three nights were where I deep dive into my list of “hate” by asking myself “why” each night. For each item on my list, I asked myself “why” I thought that in particular. Then to that response, I asked myself “why” and then again to the response of my response I again asked myself “why”. By the third time, I asked myself “why” I hated these particular things about myself were all things that I could overcome or that were simply not true. Challenging myself to confront my shadows is going to be essential in the development of not only on a personal level but also professionally. Now when these recurring negative thoughts creep into my mind I can shut them down quickly knowing they are truly false!

I encourage you to face your shadows and show them the light!

Until next time-

Stay Blessed Babes!